Clomid, Family, Etc

So, after almost a year of TTC we seem to be getting some help in the area from my gynecologist. This is my first month of taking Clomid to induce ovulation. In January when I had my Day 3 bloods everything came back normal, which I was very thankful for.

 I don't feel like I have (maybe ever) ovulated though. I have come to this conclusion because in my on and off OPK kits I have never had a positive one.  This month I had faint lines CD 15-17...never dark though. I also had a lot of pain, cramping in my ovaries and uterus. So, I am hoping this is a good sign! Another reason I don't believe I was ovulating on my own was because when I did take my temperatures I never saw a clear rise and the temp never stayed up. I didn't take my temperatures this round, if I don't get pregnant I will the next round of clomid. I am really hoping and praying that this month is the month and the medication helped my body to do what it is supposed to.

Knowing the effects and potential hazards of being on clomid does scare me some. I don't want to just keep taking the pills if they are not going to work for me. I also don't want to take too many rounds without any other assistance. Right now we are just going through my gynecologist, so we are not being monitored or anything, though I am going to call for a progesterone test next week. We are starting this journey trying to do it the least cost effective way possible. It isn't that we don't think that putting money into our potential family isn't worth it but we want to take the least expensive steps first.

This past week we were over at my sister and brother-in-laws house visiting them and my niece and nephew. That evening we talked some of her current pregnancy, this is the most we have said about it since finding out in November that they were expecting again. It has just been too hard for me to talk about because I wanted to be the one going through all of the pregnancy experiences. I am not sure what changed though, but I felt okay talking about it. Once my husband looked over at me and asked me quietly if we should tell them what we have been going over for the past year. I told him I didn't know it was left at that. Well, later we were about to leave when my sister-in-law showed me their latest pictures of the baby in her belly. I got that all too familiar rock in my throat and before I knew what was coming out of my mouth I was telling her that we had been trying to conceive for the last 11 months. She got the saddest look on her face, she said they had been wondering if we were because we (I) were always joking about not having kids. I told her it was my way of dealing with the pain. She then rushed off and retrieved her St. Gerard (St. of fertility) medal and gave it to me. I explained that I already had one and pulled it out from behind my shirt, she told me to take it anyway because it gave her 3 kids so it was a sure thing that it would help me too. This really touched me because while I am close to her I have never felt like her bff because besides family we don't have a lot of other things in common. So we continued to chat for the next few minutes about the different things that happened over the past year and what our plans were. They told us they would pray for us.

Throughout the past 11 months we have been pretty quiet about our fertility problems. I know I have almost no business talking because there are so many people who have been trying to much longer, but I still feel things too. Anyway, for the first 8 months or so we told no one. After that I have told one of my cousins, because she just went through similar issues, I have also told one co-worker, and then we told my husbands parents when we found out my sister and brother-in-law were pregnant. So, 4 people knew before we told my in-laws. Since that day I have almost felt a peace about the whole situation. We tend to spend a lot of time with them (see them 2 or more times a week most weeks) so it was nice that they knew and could be sympathetic to us.

This is a picture of the medal my sister-in-law gave me. It was a sweet sentiment. I hope that it brings me what it brought her for her 3 kids. We pray several times a day that God would bless us with this precious gift if it be His will.

I also joined a group on facebook where the women all talk about their clomid experiences. This has also helped me tremendously because I can talk to other ladies going through the same thing that I am.

I love my husband to pieces and and tell him anything, but we all know there are just some things that not all guys understand.

Thanks for reading, and I wish blessing to all the other ladies longing for a child to add to their family.

~Amy