Who knew there was a week to support those who are unable to conceive a child they so earnestly long for. I remember a few months ago when I first heard about this week, there were a few thoughts that went through my head and then I continued on with life and let it pass. It wasn't until earlier in the week when one of my facebook friends reminded me of this week in a blogpost and in something that she commented on.
It is kind of disheartening that this week also marks the one year mark that we have been trying to conceive and grow our family. I always thought that one year after trying to have a baby that I would either have that beautiful child in my arms as a new born or that I would have the biggest bulging belly. Never the less, the only belly that I have is one that needs to use a few pounds and I await any day in the next week when my next cycle may or may not start.
There are some people who make statements and are transparent about their stories. Sometimes I wonder if I shared our story with more people if I wouldn't feel so hardened by the whole experience. It doesn't even take two hands to count the number of people who are aware that we are aware of the struggle in our lives. I don't resent this or other people, but it remains hard to hear the next pregnancy announcement, to hear people complaining about the blessing growing inside of them (though I also know there are many pregnancy struggles), and to see pictures of bellies. I know the people who make these announcements mean no harm, it just gets old as you are waiting for those two lines to appear on the test.
In all honestly I am just waiting for this cycle to be over. In the past I anticipated when I would test and if it was the right timing, but I feel this time that I am just waiting for it to come so I can get on with the plan. I like a plan, and I like that we have one, I just hope that God shares this plan with us.
Here is to all of those women who long to hold their child in their arms, those mama wannabes, those who wait in the shadows for that glimmer of hope. Here is to that woman who holds back the tears, and pretends to have fun at baby showers but is dying inside just wanting that to be her. Here is to faking it till you make it, and hoping that means a BFP!